I have recently been reflecting on the last few months. Since November I have been through some really stormy stuff. Most of it I have not shared; or maybe I have just touched upon parts.
The most overwhelming for me was how the vertigo affected me. I have never been ill. And vertigo doesnt make you ill but it changes who you are. It came over me so suddenly; left undiagnosed for 2weeks I began to suffer anxiety as I was sure there was something very wrong with me but I was unable to explain my symptoms.
Eventually, being diagnosed, I felt tentative relief. This was shortlived as I realised that this ailment was invisible to everyone around me - leaving me feeling lonely, isolated and very vulnerable. There were many times I was in company and yet I was fighting to stay present.
Dealing with this added to my stress and anxiety which worsened the condition. It was all such a mess. Then we had the news of my brothers divorce and again, I was shellshocked by the toll it took on us all.
I was so looking forward to our family cruise. To find my equilibrium. HA. We all know how that turned out! ;-)
Earlier this month I then had to deal with Hooli's surgery and biopsy which really knocked the stuffing out of me - yet again.
Recently I am facing Honey's realisation that the world is not a safe, wonderful place full of Happily Ever After's. In the last months she has had a friends parent die, another facing terminal illness, her granny passed away and her uncle is getting divorced. Not easy for her.
I am beginning to feel okay again but am still battling occasional but very real moments of sheer terror at the curve balls that life can throw at us. I am well aware of the mantras of living in the present, taking one day at a time, faith in our Maker and all that good stuff.
I just didnt realise that it was all going to take so much effort to stay in the sweet spot.