19 February 2011

Reflection

I have recently been reflecting on the last few months. Since November I have been through some really stormy stuff. Most of it I have not shared; or maybe I have just touched upon parts.

The most overwhelming for me was how the vertigo affected me. I have never been ill. And vertigo doesnt make you ill but it changes who you are. It came over me so suddenly; left undiagnosed for 2weeks I began to suffer anxiety as I was sure there was something very wrong with me but I was unable to explain my symptoms.

Eventually, being diagnosed, I felt tentative relief. This was shortlived as I realised that this ailment was invisible to everyone around me - leaving me feeling lonely, isolated and very vulnerable. There were many times I was in company and yet I was fighting to stay present.

Dealing with this added to my stress and anxiety which worsened the condition. It was all such a mess. Then we had the news of my brothers divorce and again, I was shellshocked by the toll it took on us all.

I was so looking forward to our family cruise. To find my equilibrium. HA. We all know how that turned out! ;-)

Earlier this month I then had to deal with Hooli's surgery and biopsy which really knocked the stuffing out of me - yet again.

Recently I am facing Honey's realisation that the world is not a safe, wonderful place full of Happily Ever After's. In the last months she has had a friends parent die, another facing terminal illness, her granny passed away and her uncle is getting divorced. Not easy for her.

I am beginning to feel okay again but am still battling occasional but very real moments of sheer terror at the curve balls that life can throw at us. I am well aware of the mantras of living in the present, taking one day at a time, faith in our Maker and all that good stuff.

I just didnt realise that it was all going to take so much effort to stay in the sweet spot.

12 comments:

Ness at Drovers Run said...

Sometimes I think you and I are on opposite sides of the mirror (although clearly mine is the carnival one that makes me look *much* wider than I am hah!) but I think "Curveballs" and the last few months and I are too well acquainted for my liking.

It pains me physically, everytime Skip has one of those *moments* when reality kicks in, and a little bit of childhood innocence disappears.

Here's to a more peaceful, balanced 2011!!!

Marcelle said...

I agree totally, times have been very tough in your world lately, seeing it all written out in this way makes it more real.
I know you are going to come through this as you are a strong woman with your children relying on you for strength.
I pray you believe in yourself that you will rise to these challenges.

Andrea said...

What a wonderful, honest post...gave me pause to think xxxx

Lynette said...

Hi my friend. Sometimes I think these things are allowed to happen in our lives to mould us to realize just how very, very dependant we are on God and how much we need Him.

For now I am holding your hand from here. {{hugs}}

allie. said...

Shjoe Mel - a brave and vulnerable post!
Yes, you have had an awful lot to cope with in a short time.
And done incredibly well, actually -
You managed the vertigo so well much of the time that I'm afraid we were often less than supportive, not realising how badly it was affecting you :-(

I'm glad that most of the stuff is behind you: Honey will regain her equlibrium: we all do.

I think we will learn to live with the brokenness of the divorce in time.
XX

Stefanie said...

Heavy stuff.
You know the way I feel about curve balls. They hit out of the blue - no warning and upset my whole carefully balanced little world.
Sorry to hear all those tough things you've coped with. Somehow life in our 20's was way easier.

Love and Lollipops said...

Have just popped in here for the first time...I'm a fellow South African Blogger...

This post is very honest, very real, and I appreciate that.

Take care,
Georgia

Anonymous said...

Hey Mel......
Give me a call sometime... thinking of you my friend.

Hayley S.
XXXX

blackhuff said...

I pray that God will give you strength to work through everything you have and are going through.
You will get through it, I know it.

Return to Norway said...

Life can be cruel. Wishing you strength as you try to maintain your equanimity. xx

lg said...

{{{{{{ HUG }}}}}}

I'm so not a blogger said...

Life def does throw us curve balls, but I think (just from reading you) that you coped with it all very well and managed to send a positive outlook to each of us, that we may not have realised the extent to which you had to cope.
here's to a less curve ball path of life;-) for now anyway...!