17 August 2011

Silent Tears

As I was rushing around putting kids to bed my tween, Honey, beckoned to me.

'Come here Mom, I need to talk to you.'

Something in her tone slowed me down and forced me to take a breath and follow her into her bedroom.

As I looked at my beautiful daughter, growing up so fast I heard these words tumble out of her mouth:

'Mom, I hate my face. I am ugly'.

I cannot tell you how unprepared I was for this statement. And yet, in an instant, I remembered this time in my life; when I looked in the mirror and didnt like what I saw.

I listened quietly as she went through each of her stunning features and told me what she saw. I know there is little I can say with objectivity as her mother. She wont believe me just as I didnt believe my mother.

I am happy to say when she woke up this morning she was her usual cheerful self. Full of beans, energy and confidence. Not a glimmer of the sad, insecure little person I saw the previous evening.
I will have to start anticipating these *radical* swings of emotion. I just pray for the wisdom in each moment to find the words.


Hayley said...

Oh wow Mel! I remember those feelings...hell they can still crop up :-)

I have no doubt you will have the wisdom to handle them :-)

Misty'sMum said...

Oh I sympathise. We had a similar situation about 6 months ago. Sarah has beautiful, natural 'Angelina Jolie' lips, but she absolutely hates them. Apparently somebody said something to her at school and it cut her to the quick. Nothing I said made it better. We never quite got to the bottom of it, but her best friend wrote her such a beautiful email saying how beautiful she thought Sarah was and that it was only jealousy that made people say things like that to her. Kids can be dreadfully cruel, but amazingly loving and considerate for their friends. This is only the start I fear...

Wendy said...

Ouch. Sending you cyber hugs {{{{}}}} been through a couple of tougies myself with my girls - just keep lovin her. I have a book somewhere here that I'll find the title for you that seemed to help.

Marcelle said...

I cannot believe you blogged about this...just yesterday my daughter ( you know her ) said to me on skype
Mom be honest...AM I UGLY!!!
I like you was not prepared for this and mine is so much older than you....
Its terrible to hear our beautiful children ask this question as we think them to be BEAUTIFUL!!!

Stefanie said...

This is a lie and the problem with these kinds of lies is that you hear from "everyone" and everyone could be 2 or three different people and it becomes truth to you. Pray that God will reveal his truth about her beauty to her, deeply, profoundly and in a life changing way. She has a unique face, striking and unforgettable just like her Mama and Grandmother. Good genes I say.

Lynette said...

She is beautiful...but I also remember a time when I was in my pre teens when I was convinced that I wasn't part of our family, they were so pretty and I was so ugly. I am sure that this is a phase that will pass. I know that you have the wisdom to handle it.

1986 CR Swart Matrieks said...

OOh gosh, I remember the time. And she is such a striking beauty!

I pray wisdom for you through this all - knowing I can look to you for advice when my time for this comes.

MelB said...

Thanks guys. It was a wake-up call for me as to what lies ahead...but truly its a rite of passage for us girls isnt it? Dont we all STILL have our days when we look in the mirror and wonder? Or wish we could change something? :-)

Anonymous said...

Allie says:

Such a moving post Mel.
And beautifully written.
You chose the perfect picture for it too. It shows just how beautiful she is.

I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat because I know exactly what you felt.

It doesn't really stop, you know.
Our kids grow up and still don't see their beauty: still "can't hear" what we tell them.

But somehow the early years are the worst because they seem so vulnerable. Honey will be fine though - she is an extraordinary child and processes things in a way that many adults would envy.

Ness at Drovers Run said...

What is ugly? What is beautiful? Who decides? Magazines? Media?

Eish. I remember this part of growing up well, and am well and truly grateful for the wisdom that time and hindsight bring.

I think I've reached a stage where I don't see physical beauty anymore (as in I no longer constantly look at someone and thing on a scale of 1 to 10 you know? I look at hearts, goodness and yes auras. That girl of yours shines pure gold from deep within. *That* is what *I* see.

Kirsty said...

OOoh ... my heart aches.... I remember this, and I am dreading my kids facing it too. maybe play her Christina Aguilerra's song "Beautiful"... maybe the message will help, cos obviously she doesn't believe you. Sterkte :(

Laura said...

Oh man! How heart breaking is this :(

Growing up is hard to do.

blackhuff said...

You do the right thing in praying for wisdom to which you will receive from our Savior.
I too pray this because my son also get stages like these: "I don't like my looks. I am not sexy therefor I don't have a girlfriend." And then the next day he is a "go-lucky and happy" son again.
And I too have walked around with the thought that we too did not believe our parents and the talks we had with them, my children will also feel like that.

Jeannie said...

I think she's beautiful. Its tough hey to teach them that the true beauty flows from the inside out... she will get there.

They can be so hard on themselves.