05 May 2015

A Jarring Return


Here I am 7 months later and our lives are  looking very different. I once again have to write, to process and ultimately share our everyday life which is now anything but ordinary.

Russell was diagnosed with cancer a month ago. A shocking diagnosis that has left us breathless.
In an instant our world has changed forever.

My immediate instinct was to batten our hatches and keep everything close to home. I did not want to see  or talk to anyone. Ever again. I had my immediate family and some very close friends who were my safe space and they sheltered me from the world. Questions flooded my phone, each one piercing my  broken heart as I had to relive the horror of our situation. Ultimately my sister set up a fb page and whatsapp group for us to post relevant updates.

Little by little I felt God breaking down my defences and preparing me to share our story. Initially I felt sick at the thought - sharing our struggles and pain felt indulgent and garish. I did not ever want to be perceived as a victim. I did  not want to become the poster child for inspiring people. I just want to be Mel. I know the real me; I am not brave and courageous. I am scared all the time.

But herein lies the secret -  the Person in whom I have faith makes me look good. In my weakness He makes me strong.

He is where I take my pain and my fear.

I trust Him.

I have relented.

I will write.

7 comments:

Colette Bowditch said...

Beautifully written Mel. You have a wonderful family around you and seem truly surrounded by love during this incredibly difficult time for your tribe xx

Mommy xxx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
exseedingjoy said...

I'm so pleased you've chosen to write. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us <3

Flowrsinher Hair said...

❤️❤️❤️

Ordinarylife said...

My first act of defense is also to batten down the hatches, I find the more that is going on, the less I share on Social Media, although what is going in in my life is nothing in comparison.
I am very pleased you are working your way through this with writing and finding inspiration.

Huge hugs

Lynette Jacobs said...

Ah my friend...so very well put. I am so glad and blessed that you are sharing your journey with the ones who love you. Remember...we are praying without stop for your family. It does feel good to get it out there...doesn't it. xx

Stefanie said...

I feel very out of touch - have been cut from your list of FB friends and I suppose our lives have drifted apart. So sorry that you guys are facing these issues, have many questions but am happy to support and cheer from the sides.