So many have asked me this question. I don't have the answer. Examining my feelings is really not helpful to me at all. I just allow them to happen to me which means I cry in public places nowadays.
This is not a 'ra-ra' victory post about how everything happens for a reason....or about how this is such a growth experience for us.... or any of those (possibly true) pontifications.
Millions of people are in my position. I am not alone or unique in my pain but somehow that fails to comfort me in any way whatsoever.
Faith summed it up recently:
'It is like my heart opened one day and all the light, love and joy walked out and now it is full of pain, darkness and despair.'
I have to agree....I liken it to a slow bleed. I can only pray that it stops before it completely destroys me.
This will eventually end and perhaps I will find joy and happiness again one day but until then I have to work extremely hard to cultivate those moments and even harder to keep fear and despair firmly at bay.
I am extremely mindful of and grateful for, unending support from my family, my friends and my community. There is no end to my gratitude to those who so selflessly give to us in our time of need in so many areas.