16 February 2016

The Slow Creep

I have felt it coming on for a few weeks. Stalking me quietly. Grinning menacingly at me as I tried  to find ways to ward off the oncoming assault.

I do not suffer from depression and I never have. I did, however, live with a man who fought the battle his entire life. I know the signs, symptoms and I am well acquainted with this beast.

I am flattened. I am tired. I am worn out. I am bleeding. I have no reserve but to simply let it come for me.

God knows I have tried.

Almost six months later I am realising there is no escape.

No matter how many 'strong choices' I make...or how many kilometres I clock ..... or how many happy hours I spend doing crazy things....NONE of that is holding back the oncoming tide. I am going to drown. And soon.

It took a simple, loaded statement to make me wake up and see the pending destruction,

"Mom, it feels like we have been orphaned. 

You are hardly here because of all the work you have to 

do and when you are here you are never really present."

That was it. Something has to be done.

I do not know what that something is right now apart from phoning my mom and asking her to please come over immediately.

Chances are good she will know the answer.

My mom is cool like that.


Misty'sMum said...

Just sending you hugs Mel. Wish I could do more. Alison L xxx

Gill said...

Sending you big hugs Mel. So glad that you have your mom nearby and that you are wise enough to ask for help when you need it.

Marcelle said...

I went through all that when I got divorced with my kids...I went to the wild side and left them dangling.....Dont ever feel alone, its how we cope!!!