15 February 2016

Unpacking The Months : Part One

It was cool October morning in 2015 when I woke up as I always did.....filled with dread. Completely unwilling to get up or answer my phone or talk to anyone. Hating my circumstances. Tired of trying to be positive and fucking grateful for all 'the good' in my life. I had just lost my husband and I still felt well entitled to being thoroughly pissed off.

For some reason, on this morning, I realised I had a choice to make. Yet again.  I could choose this muck and shit. I could choose to finally give in to the relentless sadness and anger and pain 

OR I could choose to begin all over again. Right from the beginning. 

Not forgetting my past or where I have come from but accepting that the life ahead of me is no longer one of shared dreams and aspirations. No. The life ahead of me is now purely mine for the crafting. 

That alone was enough to take my breath away. And not in a good way. Hyperventilating comes to mind.

Baby steps, I told myself. What is the ONE thing I can do today that will help me want to live again.

I need to eat. Simple hey? Not what you were expecting to hear from someone who has NO interest in food or eating on any given day BUT....

I needed to eat .... so that I could gain the strength to RUN again. Running was going to be my salvation. 

Road running was not the answer - I needed to head back onto the trail but finding a suitable partner proved to be a pretty precarious experience! After a couple of weeks of certifiably insane experiences I lamented to my mom that there were DEFINITELY no guys out there who just wanted to hang out and run with me from time to time.....ja....big surprise hey?! 

My mom casually says to me ... 'I know a guy Mel, he also has 3 kids actually.  He seems to be pretty outdoorsy, active and he lost his wife in similar circumstances some years back - perhaps I could email him and put him in the picture - tell him exactly what you are looking for - I am pretty sure you will be safe with him!' 

Awkward much?

See Part Two here


Lynette Jacobs said...

A wise mother...not awkward at all ♥

ANNE said...

A good start.....��

ANNE said...
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Elexis Bringman said...

I want your mom! You are blessed. xoxo