24 March 2016
Beautiful and Terrible
This came up on my timeline this morning. I read it and it resonated with me. It made me smile but only for a split second.
But then I remember. Almost a year ago to the day...I woke up to run Two Oceans and Russ was supposed to run with me. Everything was good. Except he was still feeling a bit nauseous and I suggested he not run this year. He agreed and graciously made me coffee and taxi-ed myself and my friends to the start line.
He drove away with a farway look in his eyes - typical runner FOMO - pissed off that we could not do it together.
Next year we said.
Five days later we got the diagnosis.
Five months later he was gone.
I fight a silent battle. I have seen how quickly something amazing can fall apart. I have felt pain like I never believed possible. I have fought like a freaking beast to survive and (by the grace of God) even thrive.
I am so afraid to be happy. I am afraid to look ahead and make plans.
It scares the living shit out of me.