20 June 2016


Today was difficult. Really difficult. I struggled to make the day what it needed to be but he was gracious. He texted me now, at 9pm, to thank me for a wonderful birthday.

The boy is being kind. It sucked. But somehow the necessary boxes were ticked and he is okay.

Levi misses his dad like crazy. LIKE CRAZY.

I see it daily, I see it in little things that no-one else will notice.  I see it in his eyes every afternoon when he arrives home. I am not enough and it is revolting.

That being said, Levi is relentless in his pursuit of happiness and fulfilment. He knows that all Russ wanted for him was everything he could dream and imagine. He understands that pain and sorrow will find him regularly but that it is up to him to find healthy ways to purge and move forward.

He does this with music, sport and new friendships. He does this by taking a walk in the estate or finding a new song to learn or by practising tackle drills. Sometimes he quietly just sits in his room and cries. Brutal but necessary.

He has taken responsibility for his own counselling. He emailed the school counsellor  and asked to make an appointment. I only found out about this after the fact - I am incredibly proud of him - he navigates and sets up his own appointments,

 as and when he feels them necessary.

Though the waters are still rough I am completely at peace about his journey. He is remarkable.

I just wish it were for different reasons.

1 comment:

cat said...

I am glad he had a good birthday and how amazingly grown up is he! He will be fine in the end Mel - thinking of you and him