I am not going to lie.
This has been a hellish month. And an incredible month.
That is my life. Parallel paths of heaven and hell.
The trials have been navigating all three of the kids birthdays as well as Fathers Day this month.
It has taken much of me to be okay and celebrate and hold space for my kids. But it is done.
Today I did two things just for me.
# I signed up with a personal trainer. I need to get physically strong again. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing this gaunt, old person staring back at me. I want to be able to eat, pick up muscle and feel like my old self again. Boobs would be a bonus too.
# I have enrolled with Duke University to do a writing diploma through Coursera. This is purely for me. I have thought about going back to work and it may happen but for right now I just want to try and take care of myself in a way that brings me joy, gives me courage and delights my soul. I cannot contribute, in any capacity, until I find myself full again. Simple as that really.
I am also facing new and exciting challenges as Kev and I start the journey of blending our families. In 9 days time, we will be living under one roof. Starting a completely new chapter in our lives.
Partners and parents to six incredible little humans beings. Insane.
I will have to cook for 8 people. This scares the shit out of me. Life has a wicked sense of humour.
I regularly sit back, in awe of my own story, how such horror and beauty have come upon me in the last 9 months. The simple act of reconciling so many paradoxical feelings is a continuous mind-fuck. The epic part of this relationship is that I have someone who can completely relate to every weird thought that rolls around my overactive brain!
This is our road. Kevin and I are committed to each other and this new life.
We face real challenges but I know me. And I know him.
We have a fire and passion for life. (and each other)
We will make this next chapter incredible.
Separately we are tough as nails but together we are even better.
Together we are unstoppable.