Being Present

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I read this post by A Different Drumbeat tonight and was struck by how true it rang for me.

I am a stay-at-home parent. I do not want to go outside my home to earn a living. I have chosen this life and I love it. The truth of the matter, though, is that while I am home with my kids I am not always present with my kids.

They play and chat to me. While I read.
They jump on the trampoline. While I interact with other parties on my cellphone.
They talk to me. While I websurf.

I am not saying I feel huge guilt here. More awareness, yes. Guilt no. I do not think my children need my undivided attention 3 hours a day. I am entitled to time to do my own thing and engage my own interests, however I am becoming aware that I seldom do ONE thing at a time.

I am beginning to view multi-tasking as a curse. Not a talent.

Tonight I lay with Honey in her bed for almost an hour. I never (okay, very seldom) do that. Tonight I learnt that she loves playing with her sister but doesnt like to admit it out loud too often. Tonight I learnt that sometimes her two best friends gang up on her. Tonight I learnt she said something to a friend that she regretted. Tonight she revealed so much to me because I was fully present.

'Thank you mom, thank you for listening to me.'
she whispered as I left her room.

Tonight I learnt that Being Present is one of the greatest gifts I can give my children.

Comments

Elizabeth said…
Hey I enjoyed visiting your blog today. Your post on being fully present really resonated with me. As a mother of three I've learned to constantly adjust the balance between, their time, our time and me time. It's so worth it.
April 6, 2011 at 10:25 PM
Unknown said…
As you know, I battle the time and cyber addiction myself. I think acknowledging it and making sure you check yourself is most of the battle won.
Making sure there is some of 'you' left in your day makes you a more colourful person and parent. It gives you more experience and perspective to offer the kids.
Keep calm... carry on! :D
April 6, 2011 at 10:41 PM
Deborah's Doodles said…
Great post Melody. One I struggle with being a mom working from home.
April 7, 2011 at 3:48 AM
Kirsty said…
Eish! Such a true post. I work mornings when my kids are at school/ nursery school and then spend my afternoons with my 3 - ferrying them, watching them, playing etc... Granted - the way I have organised my life doesn't give me much "me" time, I have to say that me working in the mornings, and using my grey matter, makes me a better and more present Mum because I don't feel resentment to my kids when I do spend time with them. This works for ME - everyones different though. I would like some more "me" time tho ... That would make it perfect x
April 7, 2011 at 6:32 AM
Valkyrie said…
I'm not sure why - but you and I are on the same, freaking, creaking, cosmic wheel. Being *THERE* is why I've had to make a few tough decisions in the last few days. I also choose not to leave my home, but I'm trying to earn a living, without having to do that - and finding that balance is next to near impossible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doens't, but the *pull* of being fully there is very strong at the moment.
April 7, 2011 at 8:11 AM
Shayne said…
Great post Mel, resonated so with me. I do exactly what you do. But i refuse to feel guilty. I so spend a lot of time with my children - one on one - and heaven forbid I had to spend 24/7 with them. I'd go crazy as would they.

But yes, they open up a lot more when they know it's just you andtthem. xx
April 7, 2011 at 8:37 AM
Marcelle said…
Mel I feel like this with my relationship as well...I am forever on my phone, talking to others etc etc, looking at FB, and my hubby has said * I'm going to take that phone away from you * and then I feel as if I am being treated like a child...
But agree...with all the gadgets and we love gadgets its so easy to fall into that trap.
Very true words spoken here.
April 7, 2011 at 8:39 AM
cat said…
Gosh Mel, I need to think about this. One thing I can tell you - and a blogpost is coming, but being without my smart phone has been rather mind blowing in terms of multi tasking.
April 7, 2011 at 8:43 AM
allie. said…
".. tonight I learnt that Being Present is the greatest gift I can give my children"
Yes
I believe that. Fully.

I have to admit to prickling eyes when I read what Honey said to you when you left her room
There is not one thing that can replace moments like those.
For either of you.
April 7, 2011 at 9:37 AM
Anonymous said…
How sweet of you to lay with your daughter for an hour and listen.
We should all do that but I do know that sometimes life do get busy, too busy, and one tend to not do things like this with your children.
I've sent you an email :)
April 7, 2011 at 12:56 PM
Karen said…
This brought tears to my eyes - probably because i am overtired, but mostly because it's just so REAL. When we are truly present, truly there, they can sense it, and it means the world to them.
Even though I wrote that post last night i have been 'doing' all day...sigh, it's quite a paradigm shift isn't it?
April 7, 2011 at 1:53 PM
Karen du Toit said…
Big reminder to me as well! That is all our children want: Our undivided attention! Thanks for this!
April 7, 2011 at 3:02 PM
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