Life is beautiful. And Terrible.

By -
I really should not do this to myself. I had a completely different post in mind. Now I am a wreck and have to hide from my kids until I recover.

I realise now why I dont blog very often. Blogging often results in me looking for a particular image which then means I have to delve through MANY images to find the one I need.

A part of me feels I need to FORCE myself to do the hard stuff - look at photos, watch videos and listen to his voice notes. Maybe it's good for me.

Probably healthier than sitting in a dark corner cutting myself. Yes. I now understand why people self-harm.  Hurting physically is far more appealing than the gnawing, relentless bite of emotional pain.





My mom took both these images. It is the day we moved from her house back to ours.We had been told that our time together was limited. We desparately wanted to make sure we spent as much of it as possible in the beautiful house we built together nine years ago.

This day marked the beginning of our preparation for the end. I still feel utterly gutted.




You don't know pain until
you're staring at yourself in
the mirror with tears streaming down your face,
begging yourself to just hold on 
and be strong.


Comments

Unknown said…
Mel, I know you can do it.
November 10, 2015 at 5:01 PM
Lynette Jacobs said…
Oh Mel! I just don't have words. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
November 10, 2015 at 5:35 PM
ANNE said…
Glad you can share and hope it helps a bit....sending love.
November 10, 2015 at 6:58 PM
ANNE said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
November 10, 2015 at 6:59 PM
Hayley said…
Mel, I often don't comment because I feel that my words are just useless...but please know that I think of you and your family so often. My heart literally aches for you guys.
You guys have also made me rethink/relook lot of things in my life. xxx
November 10, 2015 at 7:11 PM
Marcelle said…
My heart is filled with sadness.....know you in my thoughts
November 10, 2015 at 7:36 PM
Wenchy said…
Reason I have 28 Tattoos.... It's Ok, not to be ok all the time. Xxxx
November 10, 2015 at 8:48 PM
Wenchy said…
Reason I have 28 Tattoos.... It's Ok, not to be ok all the time. Xxxx
November 10, 2015 at 8:49 PM
Ness said…
When you feel like there is no more that you have to hold on with, go and watch your kids sleeping. He is already there watching with you.
November 10, 2015 at 11:18 PM
cat said…
This has to be the hardest thing to do. Just know that there are many including me that still pray for you every single day
November 11, 2015 at 8:30 AM
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