Silent Tears

By -


As I was rushing around putting kids to bed my tween, Honey, beckoned to me.

'Come here Mom, I need to talk to you.'

Something in her tone slowed me down and forced me to take a breath and follow her into her bedroom.

As I looked at my beautiful daughter, growing up so fast I heard these words tumble out of her mouth:

'Mom, I hate my face. I am ugly'.

I cannot tell you how unprepared I was for this statement. And yet, in an instant, I remembered this time in my life; when I looked in the mirror and didnt like what I saw.

I listened quietly as she went through each of her stunning features and told me what she saw. I know there is little I can say with objectivity as her mother. She wont believe me just as I didnt believe my mother.

I am happy to say when she woke up this morning she was her usual cheerful self. Full of beans, energy and confidence. Not a glimmer of the sad, insecure little person I saw the previous evening.
I will have to start anticipating these *radical* swings of emotion. I just pray for the wisdom in each moment to find the words.


Comments

Hayley said…
Oh wow Mel! I remember those feelings...hell they can still crop up :-)

I have no doubt you will have the wisdom to handle them :-)
August 17, 2011 at 5:50 PM
Misty'sMum said…
Oh I sympathise. We had a similar situation about 6 months ago. Sarah has beautiful, natural 'Angelina Jolie' lips, but she absolutely hates them. Apparently somebody said something to her at school and it cut her to the quick. Nothing I said made it better. We never quite got to the bottom of it, but her best friend wrote her such a beautiful email saying how beautiful she thought Sarah was and that it was only jealousy that made people say things like that to her. Kids can be dreadfully cruel, but amazingly loving and considerate for their friends. This is only the start I fear...
August 17, 2011 at 6:12 PM
Unknown said…
Ouch. Sending you cyber hugs {{{{}}}} been through a couple of tougies myself with my girls - just keep lovin her. I have a book somewhere here that I'll find the title for you that seemed to help.
August 17, 2011 at 8:37 PM
Marcelle said…
I cannot believe you blogged about this...just yesterday my daughter ( you know her ) said to me on skype
Mom be honest...AM I UGLY!!!
I like you was not prepared for this and mine is so much older than you....
Its terrible to hear our beautiful children ask this question as we think them to be BEAUTIFUL!!!
August 17, 2011 at 9:23 PM
Stefanie said…
This is a lie and the problem with these kinds of lies is that you hear from "everyone" and everyone could be 2 or three different people and it becomes truth to you. Pray that God will reveal his truth about her beauty to her, deeply, profoundly and in a life changing way. She has a unique face, striking and unforgettable just like her Mama and Grandmother. Good genes I say.
August 18, 2011 at 7:25 AM
Lynette Jacobs said…
She is beautiful...but I also remember a time when I was in my pre teens when I was convinced that I wasn't part of our family, they were so pretty and I was so ugly. I am sure that this is a phase that will pass. I know that you have the wisdom to handle it.
August 18, 2011 at 8:08 AM
1986 CR Swart Matrieks said…
OOh gosh, I remember the time. And she is such a striking beauty!

I pray wisdom for you through this all - knowing I can look to you for advice when my time for this comes.
August 18, 2011 at 8:30 AM
MelB said…
Thanks guys. It was a wake-up call for me as to what lies ahead...but truly its a rite of passage for us girls isnt it? Dont we all STILL have our days when we look in the mirror and wonder? Or wish we could change something? :-)
August 18, 2011 at 8:48 AM
Anonymous said…
Allie says:

Such a moving post Mel.
And beautifully written.
You chose the perfect picture for it too. It shows just how beautiful she is.

I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat because I know exactly what you felt.

It doesn't really stop, you know.
Our kids grow up and still don't see their beauty: still "can't hear" what we tell them.

But somehow the early years are the worst because they seem so vulnerable. Honey will be fine though - she is an extraordinary child and processes things in a way that many adults would envy.
August 18, 2011 at 9:55 AM
Ness at Drovers Run said…
What is ugly? What is beautiful? Who decides? Magazines? Media?

Eish. I remember this part of growing up well, and am well and truly grateful for the wisdom that time and hindsight bring.

I think I've reached a stage where I don't see physical beauty anymore (as in I no longer constantly look at someone and thing on a scale of 1 to 10 you know? I look at hearts, goodness and yes auras. That girl of yours shines pure gold from deep within. *That* is what *I* see.
August 18, 2011 at 11:04 AM
Kirsty said…
OOoh ... my heart aches.... I remember this, and I am dreading my kids facing it too. maybe play her Christina Aguilerra's song "Beautiful"... maybe the message will help, cos obviously she doesn't believe you. Sterkte :(
August 18, 2011 at 4:55 PM
Laura said…
Oh man! How heart breaking is this :(

Growing up is hard to do.
August 20, 2011 at 10:05 AM
blackhuff said…
You do the right thing in praying for wisdom to which you will receive from our Savior.
I too pray this because my son also get stages like these: "I don't like my looks. I am not sexy therefor I don't have a girlfriend." And then the next day he is a "go-lucky and happy" son again.
And I too have walked around with the thought that we too did not believe our parents and the talks we had with them, my children will also feel like that.
August 21, 2011 at 11:43 AM
Jeannie said…
I think she's beautiful. Its tough hey to teach them that the true beauty flows from the inside out... she will get there.

They can be so hard on themselves.
August 29, 2011 at 6:07 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello April 2024

By -
We have settled into our new home.  It has taken many twists and turns along the way. In August 2022, Rach moved out and now she is returning home. Which means I am renovating the tiny house to make space for my firstborn.  I can safely say I am very excited to have everyone under the roof again - I was not ready for my eldest to leave so soon. It was never the plan. Life has a way of offering second chances and restoration in way we never can imagine. Although this comes with its own set of challenges - for her and for me - I see it as an absolute win. It may be a revolving door and various permutations in the years ahead but this is almost certainly the last year all 3 kids will be under my roof. This blog was born in 2007 - when Levi was under a year old. I spent the next 8 years sharing my life and theirs right here.  I have battled to figure out what this blog now needs to be ?  Am I going to continue to write for my kids? I am not even sure they need that anymo...
Read more

April lockdown life

By -
The weekend went by in a blur.  A blur of eating, lounging, sleeping, netflixing, occasional exercise and general malaise. I did, finally, get around to setting my kids loose to find their Easter eggs...a week later but no one really knows what day of the week or month it is anyways. There was much hilarity as the boyf took his life in his hands and pushed the girlf into the pool to celebrate Easter victory. Usually this would have him sin-binned for hours but she took it unusually well.... I spent some time online searching for ways to pivot the business I work for...in an attempt to keep my income rolling in. Sadly my rental properties are not ticking over as my tenants cannot pay rent...this will be month 2 of zero rental income for me which is terrifying..but I cannot blame them. We are all suffering at the hands of this ridiculous outbreak and can only hope that some sort of revenue generating income finds its way into our economy soon. I have started watching Outlande...
Read more