Two Months

By -

I wish the 25th of each month simply meant payday to me. Instead it reminds me that I need to take a deep breath. And then another. And another.

The day started badly. All of us were cranky and unhappy. Steve texted with the idea to climb Table Mountain and I laughed hysterically. In the past this would have lit me up like a bonfire but these days just getting out the house is a miraculous experience.

Instead we settled on a trip to Dias Beach in Cape Point.




This idea was not met with much enthusiasm from my crew. (Rach was working at TEARS for the day) Levi and Faith came along with heavy hearts and grim attitudes. Once again I found myself trying to carry everyone's emotions.

It's getting old. I want to be selfish and just deal with my own shit. My own pain. MY loss.  I want to not have to think about ANYONE else for even one day. Sadly parenthood affords none of us such luxury; not even in my unenviable position.




I am happy to report that after some time in this beautiful natural haven we all found some solace. Some joy. Some semblance of happiness and gratitude for what we have on our doorstep.




I have found that in nature's wide open spaces I find what I need to rejuvenate. I feel deep loss and loneliness but I also find a sense of comfort. It's incredibly difficult to describe but that's okay - I don't have to be able to articulate the experience - I just need to immerse myself more often.











Nature can bring you to stillness
that is its gift to you.

Eckhard Tolle

Comments

cat said…
We often speak of natures' church - that we go to nature to find God speaking to our souls. To comfort and heal. Lots of love.
October 28, 2015 at 8:47 AM
Joanne said…
The most beautiful photos and yes looks really peaceful xxx
October 28, 2015 at 9:10 AM
Lynette Jacobs said…
I am always filled with awe when I sit beside the sea...and be restless ocean and pounding waves fills me with a peace that I cannot describe. Food for the soul xx
October 28, 2015 at 9:30 AM
MrsLG said…
Beautiful pics and I think a day spent doing something he would have loved too. Like you said, you don't need to articulate. I understand from the forest how much wide open spaces can sometimes feel like the safest places. xx
October 28, 2015 at 9:58 AM
ANNE said…
Beautiful post Mel! Love that spot and so glad to see you enjoying the time together! xxx
October 28, 2015 at 5:06 PM
AngelConradie said…
Finding ways to find peace. To move forward. To not hide.
Strength and prayers.
October 29, 2015 at 9:00 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello April 2024

By -
We have settled into our new home.  It has taken many twists and turns along the way. In August 2022, Rach moved out and now she is returning home. Which means I am renovating the tiny house to make space for my firstborn.  I can safely say I am very excited to have everyone under the roof again - I was not ready for my eldest to leave so soon. It was never the plan. Life has a way of offering second chances and restoration in way we never can imagine. Although this comes with its own set of challenges - for her and for me - I see it as an absolute win. It may be a revolving door and various permutations in the years ahead but this is almost certainly the last year all 3 kids will be under my roof. This blog was born in 2007 - when Levi was under a year old. I spent the next 8 years sharing my life and theirs right here.  I have battled to figure out what this blog now needs to be ?  Am I going to continue to write for my kids? I am not even sure they need that anymo...
Read more

Silent Tears

By -
Image
As I was rushing around putting kids to bed my tween, Honey, beckoned to me. 'Come here Mom, I need to talk to you.' Something in her tone slowed me down and forced me to take a breath and follow her into her bedroom. As I looked at my beautiful daughter, growing up so fast I heard these words tumble out of her mouth: 'Mom, I hate my face. I am ugly'. I cannot tell you how unprepared I was for this statement. And yet, in an instant, I remembered this time in my life; when I looked in the mirror and didnt like what I saw. I listened quietly as she went through each of her stunning features and told me what she saw. I know there is little I can say with objectivity as her mother. She wont believe me just as I didnt believe my mother. I am happy to say when she woke up this morning she was her usual cheerful self. Full of beans, energy and confidence. Not a glimmer of the sad, insecure little person I saw the previous evening. I will have to start anticipatin...
Read more

April lockdown life

By -
The weekend went by in a blur.  A blur of eating, lounging, sleeping, netflixing, occasional exercise and general malaise. I did, finally, get around to setting my kids loose to find their Easter eggs...a week later but no one really knows what day of the week or month it is anyways. There was much hilarity as the boyf took his life in his hands and pushed the girlf into the pool to celebrate Easter victory. Usually this would have him sin-binned for hours but she took it unusually well.... I spent some time online searching for ways to pivot the business I work for...in an attempt to keep my income rolling in. Sadly my rental properties are not ticking over as my tenants cannot pay rent...this will be month 2 of zero rental income for me which is terrifying..but I cannot blame them. We are all suffering at the hands of this ridiculous outbreak and can only hope that some sort of revenue generating income finds its way into our economy soon. I have started watching Outlande...
Read more