FIVETRIBE

We have settled into our new home.  It has taken many twists and turns along the way. In August 2022, Rach moved out and now she is returning home. Which means I am renovating the tiny house to make space for my firstborn.  I can safely say I am very excited to have everyone under the roof again - I was not ready for my eldest to leave so soon. It was never the plan. Life has a way of offering second chances and restoration in way we never can imagine. Although this comes with its own set of challenges - for her and for me - I see it as an absolute win. It may be a revolving door and various permutations in the years ahead but this is almost certainly the last year all 3 kids will be under my roof. This blog was born in 2007 - when Levi was under a year old. I spent the next 8 years sharing my life and theirs right here.  I have battled to figure out what this blog now needs to be ?  Am I going to continue to write for my kids? I am not even sure they need that anymo...

I can't believe its mid-July. So much for blogging my way through 2022 with my kids. It has been a whirlwind with radical ups and downs. BUT one thing that is sure is that we have definitely been more intentional about spending time together. Doing more stuff and having little mini-adventures. It has been sad for me that this year - which had been held as a beacon year with our 50, 21,18, and 16 birthdays has had to become something very different. No such lofty plans as an overseas trip....or even a local one at this stage. It just isn't going to happen however sometimes big trips come in weird forms and ours is no different.... We are moving house. After 16yrs in our rather large home in a secure estate we are moving back to my very first little townhouse that I bought in 1999. It is a radical, enormous and exceptionally insane move but I am certain (well, almost) certain that it is the right one for us at this time. I loved (and still love) my little Hillcrest home. It is a ...

Dear Russ, It has arrived.  Over our many years together we spoke of 2022 with such anticipation!  Of all the things we would do this magic year. We spoke of it as if it were an absolute surety.  We would arrive together and celebrate all the remarkable milestones together.   It did seem so far away at the time but never did I think I would arrive here alone.  Without the ONE person in the world that makes each of these milestones real.  It just feels so utterly devastating and surreal that I am here and you are not. I want to delete 2022 and arrive in 2023. But I cannot rob our children of this year. Levi will be 16. Faith will be 18. Rachel will be 21. I will be 50. And we would be celebrating our 30 year wedding anniversary. WHAT THE FUCK MAN. I felt the horror of deep grief beginning to crawl through my veins in early December. Knowing I had to face Christmas with cheer and a smile. And then 2022 would still be waiting for me. An entire year of loss af...

 A snapshot of our lives in October 2020. Rachel and Memphis are the old married couple of the house. 18months together and literally live together - either here or his place. They are annoying and loud and lovely and funny and delightful. Rach is going for her drivers licence soon and Memphis just got his learners. Both kids have been doing online varsity all year and have maintained really good results.  Rach has worked incredibly hard to earn her own money. She tutors and has recently picked up a regular music gig twice a month at a local eatery. She is exercising 3 x a week and keeping strong and healthy - so good to see her moving forward. She does tend to put too much pressure on herself so I do have to ground her occasionally! Faith is in a good space. She is super excited about moving schools next year. She is newly involved in her first serious relationship. So far I like him....but it takes me a while...Memphis will tell you! It is wonderful to see her happy and glow...

 Dear Russ My last letter to you was 2 years ago. Dear God, so much has changed. Maybe you've seen it all or maybe not - one of those dastardly questions that swirl around my head.  At this 5 year milestone of your exit I can only look back and wonder how I arrived at where I am in one piece. The catastrophic loss of your presence is embedded in my soul and yet, miraculously, I am able to continue to live, breathe and enjoy life in a way that astonishes me.  You and I know it is a God-Thing; which is why I battle with anyone giving me credit.  I wish we could sit down and talk about the spiritual complexities of what I have learnt on this insane journey. By the way I HATE the word 'journey' FFS.  Makes it sound like a bloody aspirational experience. The kids are good. I would not have been able to say that 2 months ago .... thank God I can assure you that a significant hurdle has recently been navigated and I can again breath easily. There have been really dark ...

The weekend went by in a blur.  A blur of eating, lounging, sleeping, netflixing, occasional exercise and general malaise. I did, finally, get around to setting my kids loose to find their Easter eggs...a week later but no one really knows what day of the week or month it is anyways. There was much hilarity as the boyf took his life in his hands and pushed the girlf into the pool to celebrate Easter victory. Usually this would have him sin-binned for hours but she took it unusually well.... I spent some time online searching for ways to pivot the business I work for...in an attempt to keep my income rolling in. Sadly my rental properties are not ticking over as my tenants cannot pay rent...this will be month 2 of zero rental income for me which is terrifying..but I cannot blame them. We are all suffering at the hands of this ridiculous outbreak and can only hope that some sort of revenue generating income finds its way into our economy soon. I have started watching Outlande...

I have no idea where to start with this post. In fact that is probably the reason I have not written one entry since the pandemic began and lock-down was instituted 3 weeks ago. Words seem insufficient to describe a time like this. Today marks the end of lock-down - Season 1. Season 2 was announced last week when Ramaphosa told us we would have to extend for another 2 weeks before any freedom of movement can be considered. The world has stopped. Literally stopped. It is definitely the most remarkable, unique movie script ever written and living through this is nothing short of surreal. The kids and I went into quarantine before lock-down even began - the minute the schools closed I closed our home borders along with them. It has been really hard on them but they have adjusted well and now life potters along. Our homeschooling history has definitely made this time so much easier for us as a family. The kids are completely self-motivated and able to thrive in on online educ...

The times they are a-changing. Last week Rach passed her learners licence. I am so excited at the prospect of having another driver in the house. I am so terrified to have my daughter driving on the roads. Thankfully I am well versed in managing duality and conflicting emotions! She did not want to do her first lesson stone cold so we drove up and down our road. She did well but I did not. It was unnerving to say the least. I have made it clear I will happily dole out cash to a driving school.   I know my limitations.

Monday Morning: You Beast. 0500 the alarms go off in this house. If only so we can snooze them 6 times before actually getting out of bed by 0545. Levi, myself and Rach are in the car by 0620 but not before I rush into Faith's room to kiss her goodbye and remind her where to leave the remote for me....and to admonish her NOT to go back to sleep as her lift will arrive at 0730. Life is busy man. Crazy busy. I am part of THREE lift clubs. Any given day is a newly constructed logistical masterpiece. A 15min change in any one schedule will give birth to at least 4 new permutations. Adaptable. Flexible. Problem-solvers.  That is what we have become. It has taken time and tears and many ugly, tantrum moments but God-knows we are future-proofing ourselves!  By 8am I have made all kinds of magic happen and now it is time for me to start work. Today found me in CT central meeting with a specialist tax attorney for 2 hours. Not for me personally. Just in case you thought I ...

  My poor neglected blog. I am here to resurrect and continue to journey that I started in 2006. What a 14 years it has been! I have been reading the volumes of entries I have captured and what a treasure they are. My kids are now adults. Well, not really, they still need LOTS of my money which is a little terrifying - I used to think little kids were costly. I WAS SO DAMN WRONG. Levi is in Gr 8 at WBHS, a  massive adjustment for him but he is thriving. Their first rugby tour happens in 3 weeks time - during school holidays which is annoying in terms of family time but without doubt the highlight of his year!    Rach is 1st year at Varsity College and working towards getting her licence - a little car has been purchased ... ready and waiting for her to walk into new independence. It is time. Today she also celebrates her 1yr anniversary with her person. The young man has stolen her heart and crept into the hearts of the whole family.  Faith had a ve...

I don't think I ever talked about 'The Decision' on Facebook or on my blog. Back in January, life came to a point where it was either the end of my relationship or the end of co-habitation. I had seen Kev's growing unhappiness and sensed his uncertainty about our future. It was a very stressful few months preceding my decision.  Was I going to lose this man that I love? Or would he accept a rather weird, almost backward, development in our relationship? These thoughts, fears and imaginings had a drastic effect on my mental health and I ended up a wreck. My good friend and GP drew a line in the sand for me and I knew I had to man up and face my reality. I think the heavy thing was all the sentiment around Kev and I. Everyone NEEDED us to have our happy-ever-after. The Brady Bunch. The fairytale. I wanted to be able to do that - in fact - I thought I could! I would never have stepped on this bus if I knew I wouldn't have the metal for it.  I simply had ...

2019 has been a huge year for Levi. I have watched him just burst out in so many areas. He has achieved every goal he set for himself  (and more) in 2016. My biggest concern all those years ago was how I was going to parent this energetic, sports-driven young boy. How was I going to fuel and grow all the boyness that he embodied. I need not have been concerned - he has simply done it anyway. Prefect Ceremony He has had men in his life who have created opportunities and fanned flames that I would not have been able to do and for this I am grateful. My role was simply to feed him. Lots. And take him to the chiro. And help him navigate some anxieties and insecurities. To be present at his games. Player of the Tour There have been considerable setbacks and many sleepless nights - particularly this last month. An injury took him out of WP trials in the very  last round....he had to make a choice - he could push through and try to make the team or he could p...

The day arrived...I was quite unprepared really. It was a real mixed emotion type of thing. I wanted to mark the day somehow but nothing felt right. I ended up doing a gazillion things and pretty much wore myself out!! We started the morning with presents and took all the kids to school late. Memphis spent the night and that was pretty cool for Rach to have him there. I gave her the moon/star ring with ALWAYS inscription which i knew would be meaningful to her. Come lunchtime I delivered balloons and sushi to school for her which, in hindsight, was a tad extra but anyyyyyway. From school I whisked her off to Queen of Steel where she had her ears pierced and her first tattoos done... We pranked the family with a fake tattoo which was a great success - she put Memphis' name on her ribcage and the silence on the family group was deafening! #punked We then rushed back to shower (after I had a meltdown in the car about my tattoo gone wrong) and met the family at Osetra in...

What I wish for you on this day of your birth: Greenery.  Freedom.  Soft fabrics, soft weather, soft soil.  The immense grit of wolves.  The wild grace of horses.  Dreams that listen.  Waters that soothe.  Love that’s sure. Limitlessness that grows.  HOPE that remains.  {Victoria Erickson}  Happy birthday Fiery Fairy. I love you

This year sees some landmark birthdays in the lives of my extended family. Katie 10  Levi 13  Rachel  18 Sami  30  Mom 75  Steve 50  Don 60 And so we celebrate another year of having our special people around - the views and company were amazing. The restaurant experience was less so but memories were made and photos were taken!

Hello 2019. A quarter of the year is gone...so much changed that I feel the need to catch up right here. Levi is in his last year of primary school. He has some big decisions as to where to do his high schooling. There are many factors to consider and I can see the weight of it is heavy for him but ultimately nothing is irrevocable. That aside - 2019 looks great for him. Two big sports tours including the long awaited first team rugby tour to Durban. He has been waiting many years for this opportunity. He is also putting his best foot forward to make prefect - at his school they only choose the final 24 at the end of Term 2...so far he has made the 48 so is on track to reach his goal. He has had a substantial growth spurt and is now the tallest in our family. That's a thing! Faith is putting her head down and getting through Grade 9. School is a chore and not a pleasure but she does what is necessary and excels despite her lack lustre attitude. She has a good group of f...

I officially start week 3 of a set running program today. I have set a goal for the end of the year which looks incredibly optimistic and more than a few people have said it is not realistic.  My running coach is not one of those people. She believes I can do it. The fact remains that I will do the training and I will either reach the goal or not. What I know for sure is that the hard work will not be in vain regardless of the outcome. I have had a couple of tough runs - both in training sessions and the latest was the Goat Run race on Saturday. A gruelling 15k uphill race in the Paarl mountains. This was a first for me on a few fronts : 1. I ran alone. 2. I had a time goal. (I actually had to RACE) I loved running alone. I hated chasing the clock. What I learnt on that mountain was that trail running is a complete detox for me. It can never be a race. It is an outlet for me to escape the pressure and expectations that life thrusts upon me. Trail running is all about f...

Hey babe, It’s been 3 years since we last spoke.  Your fists raised victorious despite your frailty and the fire in your eyes as you spoke your impassioned plea to our sprogs - to stand for Christ despite circumstances.... that this (your death) was in fact a victory. I will never forget that morning. Both powerful and devastating; it is burned into my soul. I was humbled and heartbroken. That YOU, you of all people, were going to be leaving ME to raise these kids.  You were the good one.  I have grappled many, many times over this but there is no good reason to ask the whys....nothing good comes from WHY? So. Instead I found myself asking : How? How do I go forward without anger, bitterness and regret? Three years later I can tell you we are okay. In fact, we are more than okay because we have all taken to heart the gift that is life and thriving is our only goal. Although surviving on the tough days is okay too. Your last words on our noticeboard...