FIVETRIBE

God and I have always had an issue with the concept of trust. I am not secure that His plans are better than mine. The latest turn of events have pretty much made my case. Russ and I have plans. We have amazing, long-held plans that were about to be executed in June. We have worked towards this goal for many years. We were waiting for Levi to be 9.  We are poised; the kids all happily home-schooled. Russ with plenty of contract work available overseas. Many other little things all PERFECTLY lined up for our PERFECT plan to work/travel for 2 years abroad and show our kids the world. And then everything in our world just went bat-shit crazy. What kind of a God thinks this plan is superior to ours? Particularly a God that claims to love us and to be able to FIX stuff like this in a heartbeat? Bloody hell, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I have 30 years of history with Jesus. I know that even as I type this He is still in control. I know that I can tr...

Chased by grace. That phrase found me early in this messy journey. Frankly the last few weeks have felt utterly graceless. I have felt abandoned, betrayed and pissed off but that will have to be a story for another day. Instead I will write about today. Russell is pretty much bedridden, although, with some help, he can do the basics. He sleeps most of the day. Apart from that he chills in bed and occasionally parks off in a chair in our room. We chat when he is up to it. We don't stare longingly into each others eyes, sobbing over our situation. We tend to shoot the breeze and we laugh over dumb things. He doesn't read or watch tv. Going downstairs is a chore and it's way too noisy and chaotic. I share this randomness with you so you can understand the following conversation I had with him today. (bear in mind I haven't been anywhere with my kids in weeks) Me: Babe, I am going to take the kids out to lunch okay? My mom is here if you need her.   Him : Wai...