FIVETRIBE

Our first full day in beautiful Lux. It still feels quite dreamlike to have flown halfway across the world and to now be sitting in Lisa's lounge. We took it very easy today. Our 26 hour transit was taxing and today needed to be anything but! We all slept late and enjoyed a lazy morn punctuated by breakfast and many cups of tea. Around midday we took the dogs for a walk in the forest. This forest has been showing up on facebook for many years - all over Lisa's feed and I have had it firmly on my to-do list. It is simply remarkable and indescribable. I am recovering from a cold so wont be running those paths for a few days but happy to walk them (did almost 7k today!) and learn my way around until I can lace up and head out. This arvie found us all back on our beds with our books / laptops. Perfection! Tomorrow we will head out to the city for our first Luxembourg Tourist experience.

My beautiful, strong firstborn is sixteen. I hate that every milestone is now tainted with sadness. I hate that I cant just celebrate wildly without a permanent sense of deep sorrow and loss. Her birthday this year had me broken. I tried so hard to keep it together. I took her to the Mugg and Bean, We sat and chatted ---all the while in my head I was self-talking "just keep breathing Mel, don't let her see your pain, it's her special day,  please please don't lose your mind " I really tried. E ventually I knew I would not be able to keep my shit together. I thought I may start screaming like a crazy, insane person. That would not be good. I needed desparately to get out of public. LIKE IMMEDIATELY. I sent an emergency text and was collected and driven home. All the while I kept my composure - I did tell Rach the mild version of what I was experiencing --- and as always she was supportive and understanding. I struggle with guilt. I dont think she ...