FIVETRIBE

I officially start week 3 of a set running program today. I have set a goal for the end of the year which looks incredibly optimistic and more than a few people have said it is not realistic.  My running coach is not one of those people. She believes I can do it. The fact remains that I will do the training and I will either reach the goal or not. What I know for sure is that the hard work will not be in vain regardless of the outcome. I have had a couple of tough runs - both in training sessions and the latest was the Goat Run race on Saturday. A gruelling 15k uphill race in the Paarl mountains. This was a first for me on a few fronts : 1. I ran alone. 2. I had a time goal. (I actually had to RACE) I loved running alone. I hated chasing the clock. What I learnt on that mountain was that trail running is a complete detox for me. It can never be a race. It is an outlet for me to escape the pressure and expectations that life thrusts upon me. Trail running is all about f...

Hey babe, It’s been 3 years since we last spoke.  Your fists raised victorious despite your frailty and the fire in your eyes as you spoke your impassioned plea to our sprogs - to stand for Christ despite circumstances.... that this (your death) was in fact a victory. I will never forget that morning. Both powerful and devastating; it is burned into my soul. I was humbled and heartbroken. That YOU, you of all people, were going to be leaving ME to raise these kids.  You were the good one.  I have grappled many, many times over this but there is no good reason to ask the whys....nothing good comes from WHY? So. Instead I found myself asking : How? How do I go forward without anger, bitterness and regret? Three years later I can tell you we are okay. In fact, we are more than okay because we have all taken to heart the gift that is life and thriving is our only goal. Although surviving on the tough days is okay too. Your last words on our noticeboard...

I read a life-changing book in 2012.  And I found some of my notes recently. At the time I was battling with the unknown that life holds...yet my life was pretty secure and laid out. In retrospect I cannot fathom what the hell my problem was.  But that time was preparing me for THIS TIME. Learning to flow.  Some days are easier than others but ultimately living a creative life does not just mean you paint pictures or write words - it can literally mean you create your life!  Your entire life is an artwork - who you are and how you journey is your creation. Over and over again....recalculating and recalibrating as obstacles, hurt, disappointments and detours come our way. Learning to wait. Settling into the unknown. Flow. Some of the extracts included: "What happened to our ability to dwell in the unknowing,  to live inside a question and co-exist with the tensions of uncertainty? Where is our willingness to incubate pain and let...

Spoilt for choice on our mountains Sunday morning dawned windless sans rain....not sure if that is good news for our poor dry Cape Town but we decided to make the most of it and head out early. Just through a little river crossing - keeping our phones high and dry I did attempt to encourage my other kids to join us but only Rach was enthusiastic about the idea. She has woken up to the fact that starting your day OUTSIDE is key to feeling good about life... something Mika would just out loud if only she could speak! Explosive canine joy Netflix and Fornite are my sworn enemies and slowly my kids are recognising that these 2 spoils are perfect rewards after a solid day of work/play. Not the reverse. Cafe Roux rewards My legs are feeling good after our longish race yesterday. A little heavy; my ankles are feeling a tad tweaky but overall I'm happy. In 2.5weeks time I face my first stage trail run which means 20km and 17km on consecutive days. I need ...

Surprisingly 0530 arrived and I was not grumpy at having to suit up and head out in the crisp morning. My overwhelming thought was gratitude for the fact that there was NO wind AND I was actually going to run a race with the man for the first time in 14 months. I decided 2 weeks ago to bite the bullet and enter this race having finally conquered an injury that has seen my running consistently hampered and interrupted for the last  two years.  While time on my legs lately has been short; I have spent many months doing rehab strength training as well as learning to run more efficiently. I was excited to see if this effort would show itself in my run today.  Before ..... After... Suffice to say it was wonderful. Challenging but not uncomfortable. Lots of soft sand, rocks and views for miles - just picture perfect. There was very little elevation which resulted in my being able to keep a reasonable pace over most of the terrain.  I ha...

Random questions for the #blogsquadreunion 1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?   22h30ish and not alone. 2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?  Peace / equanimity in all circumstances 3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and w hy? SPLIT. Anything about mental illness (even though it was sci-fi-ish) makes me feels weird inside my own head.  4. What is your favourite TV show of all time ie. you've seen them all, can watch it over and over again and quote lines from it?  No brainer - FRIENDS 5. Whats your favourite way to wake up and whats the first thing you do?    At my leisure, with coffee and then man alongside me. 6. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?  I love my name, wouldnt change it. 7. If you had to do a bushtucker challenge (you have to eat insects/grubs etc) what would be the worst thing you had to eat?  ...

This morn dawned bright, clear and crisp. The kids were not impressed with being told to be ready to leave for Stellenbosch by 0830 on this public holiday. The mood was quiet and somber as the 8 of us squeezed into the 7 seater car. We don’t do this often but today I just couldn’t face going in 2 cars. Neither Kev nor I are prepared to drive a minivan for the very odd occasion all 8 of us go anywhere together; in those instances we usually take both cars.  The run was beautiful. Picture perfect views - windless and pristine. The kids all ran well - Levi at his usual blistering pace coming in the top 10 finishers. I never do see him once that gun goes off. We came in about 15 minutes behind him. The girls are super keen now to start training for the Gun Run 5k in October. This will be our third year doing it and some PBs are in view for them.  Levi is planning his 10k debut - he will run with my brother as I won’t keep up with him! I am enjo...

I have spent some time trawling my blog....going back to old posts and enjoying a little nostalgia. It has me wistfully ruminating over the weird experience of life and how we live it. The plans we make, the dreams we have and the simple expectation that 1 + 1 will definitely equal 2 if we put all the right things in place. I have seen what a mistake that is - I have also seen how perhaps my belief in planning, controlling, researching and always being 2 steps ahead has perhaps been detrimental to my eldest.  She finishes school next year. This is supposed to be such an exciting time in her life but instead she is crippled by anxiety and fear. There are so many unknowns for her and no foothold to grasp. Life is suddenly opening its doors FULLY and she has to begin to make choices and decisions which she feels ill-equipped to do. I spend much of my time now trying to help her see that no matter what hits the fan - there is a way through it. I have had to alter the course...

Levi plays wing for A side rugby - he loves it and he hates it. Pretty much sums up my feelings about the game too.  Last year he played inside centre, getting significantly more action so adjusting to wing has been challenging. Primary school rugby often does see much wing action - particularly on the right.  This match, however, went against all historical games and he was in the thick of things many times. Not only was his defense brilliant but he also managed to steal the ball and get some runs in for a change - all culminating in a first 'man of the match' title. The final score was 22-5 against a formidable (afrikaans) school in the northern suburbs - a great win for our little valley school. 

I have been ramping up my training the last two weeks. Silvermine has seen me tramping the trails regularly in preparation for the Run2Nowhere stage race in September. My partner in adventuring and life Friday morning arrived and we were headed for our regular run but while driving I got the crazy idea to just head into town and run up Lions Head. I have never been up there - been talking about it for years. In my mind it would be a hike, pack stuff, bring kids....make a morning of it. But no, today was the day. Luckily The Man is as spontaneous as I am and did not bat an eye at the significant change in plan. As we headed into town I madly googled the route and estimated time required as we both had to fetch kids early. Finally, 45 years later.... Suffice to say we motored up (fast hike; running where possible) and ran down - all done in just over an hour. Fortunately the path was not too busy so we didn't have to queue for long  at the chains or ladders. S...

What a year it has been so far. A year that has surprised, challenged and redefined paradigms. I am beginning to question if there is any other type of year?  Faith's biggest hurdle has been the navigation of high school. She has blown my mind in her attitude, fortitude and resilience.  She has excelled in every area both socially and academically, however the cost to her personally has been high. Her perfection based personality has  seen her throw her entire being into making sure she aces school. While some may find this admirable (and it is!) I have found it very difficult to watch. My once creative and free spirited kid has become riddled with anxiety; tearful daily, overwhelmed and depressed. She no longer dances, she no longer draws or creates. She focuses purely on academia and the soul of who she is has been lost to the system. A system I fundamentally DESPISE. School has taught her how smart she is - this was always an issue for her as her sibs bro...

Easter. Three years later and the approach of Easter is burning a hole through me. Each day draws me closer to the fire. I don't even remember our first Easter after he left. I don't remember much of that first year other than that of being held in a space where my pain was manageable and kept in a bubble. I think from the second year the bubble sprouts a slow leak and the pain begins to ooze out.... And frankly this third year is set to be a DOOZY. The unpleasant part of it is that I am now pretty much alone in it all. By society's laws I am now over the worst and moving on with my life.  "Mel - you have a new life, new man, new kids and even a new job - it's time to let the past rest and focus on the future - be grateful for the years you had!" Yes. All true. Although rather bloody idealistic FFS.  But I try. God knows I try. But there are times when I just cannot be all grateful and amazing and thankful and brave. And Easter is one of ...

I have missed my blog. I left, I made a new one. I wrote on it but it doesnt feel right. This blog is home and I am back. Who knows how long this time. Its a very 2012 idea; this whole blogging thing - who does it anymore anyway? But I still think my blogs are the most valuable thing I can leave my children. So I will continue if only for them. Suffice to say we survived Christmas 2017. Our 3rd without our Man. I wonder if I will ever stop counting. Faith has gone back to school. Five years she was at home and now she hits high school for her re-entry. She has done SO WELL. It has been an incredibly stressful transition but she has truly dug deep and excelled in every area. Today she received her marks for her first math test. My child who has told herself she is not a numbers person...she is stupid... she hates maths....she is also stunned with a mark of 98%. It has taken her completely by surprise. She refuses to tell her siblings - I am at this stage still unsure why she i...