I wish the 25th of each month simply meant payday to me. Instead it reminds me that I need to take a deep breath. And then another. And another.
The day started badly. All of us were cranky and unhappy. Steve texted with the idea to climb Table Mountain and I laughed hysterically. In the past this would have lit me up like a bonfire but these days just getting out the house is a miraculous experience.
Instead we settled on a trip to Dias Beach in Cape Point.
This idea was not met with much enthusiasm from my crew. (Rach was working at TEARS for the day) Levi and Faith came along with heavy hearts and grim attitudes. Once again I found myself trying to carry everyone's emotions.
It's getting old. I want to be selfish and just deal with my own shit. My own pain. MY loss. I want to not have to think about ANYONE else for even one day. Sadly parenthood affords none of us such luxury; not even in my unenviable position.
I am happy to report that after some time in this beautiful natural haven we all found some solace. Some joy. Some semblance of happiness and gratitude for what we have on our doorstep.
I have found that in nature's wide open spaces I find what I need to rejuvenate. I feel deep loss and loneliness but I also find a sense of comfort. It's incredibly difficult to describe but that's okay - I don't have to be able to articulate the experience - I just need to immerse myself more often.
Nature can bring you to stillness
that is its gift to you.